The Labored Work of Genius
My agent sent this to me today, because he knows me.
From Ravi Zacharias’ ministry:
An important manuscript long thought lost was rediscovered hiding in a Pennsylvania seminary on a forgotten archival shelf. The recovered manuscript was a working score for a piano version of Ludwig van Beethoven’s “Grosse Fuge,” which means “grand fugue.” Apparently, grand is an understatement. The work is known as a monument of classical music and described by historians as a “symphonic poem” or a “leviathan”–an achievement on the scale of the finale of his Ninth Symphony. The work is one of the last pieces Beethoven composed, during the period when he was completely deaf. The markings throughout the manuscript are in the composer’s own hand.
In fact, such markings are a particular trademark of Beethoven, who was known for near obsessive editing. Unlike Mozart, who typically produced large scores in nearly finished form, Beethoven’s mind was so full of ideas that it was never made up. Never satisfied, he honed his ideas brutally.
A look at the recovered score portrays exactly that. Groups of measures throughout the 80-page manuscript are furiously canceled out with cross-marks. Remnants of red sealing wax, used to adhere long corrections to an already scuffed up page, remain like scars. There are smudges where he rubbed away ink while it was still wet and abrasions where he erased notes with a needle. Dated changes and omissions are scattered throughout the score, many of these markings dating to the final months before his death in 1827.
I believe there is something encouraging about the labored work of a genius. Beethoven wrestled notes onto the page. For him composing music was a messy, physical process. Ink was splattered, wax burned, erasers wore holes in the paper. What started as a clean page became a muddled, textured mess of a masterpiece ever in progress.
Someone has called Beethoven’s masterpieces works of “three-dimensional” art. There is a texture and a character to his manuscripts that display an artist who went beyond merely writing the notes, but stretched himself, and the page itself, to make a symphony.
Not that I’m comparing myself to Beethoven, or declaring genius. But I comforted in his struggle, knowing my own. Sometimes the act of creating is messy and difficult and, well, not enjoyable. Sometimes our Christian walk is the same.
Watch Over Me Theme Verse
I mentioned last year that, for each novel I write, I choose an overarching theme verse. I wanted to share the verse for Watch Over Me:
But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asks you a reason for the hope that is in you. 1 Peter 3:15
Okay, I Can Breathe
Edits for Watch Over Me are finished… And when I say finished, I mean finished until I get the galleys. I’m sure then I’ll make a few changes here and there, tweaking a word or two that doesn’t sound right, removing an overwrought sentence. And, of course, the acknowledgements, though I have so many people who helped in the research of this novel, I’ll have no problem writing them.
Tomorrow, I dive into book three. I’ve started it, but now I can push Watch Over Me out of my head and let the new novel take over. I’m looking forward to it. As much as I complain, there is something about crafting words on a page that is infectious, inescapable, compelling. No matter how I try to run from it, eventually the phrases and sentences in my brain need to tumble out. Sometimes it takes days, sometimes weeks or months, but they continue to build until I can’t ignore them.
I don’t know if I’d call myself a writer. But I do need to write.
Random Neurotic Writing Thoughts
I’ve been away from this blog for several weeks. I’ve had excuses – busy, finishing classes, rushing here and there. It’s all avoidance, really. I’ve developed a sort of phobia of the written word.
The editing that does it to me, that final push when things become, well, final. I have to finish the reworking a few places in Watch Over Me. A handful of sentences, a paragraph here, a timeline glitch there. Not many things at all. But I feel a sort of panic when I think about it. I’ve come to hate my novel. I remember some of this with Home Another Way, and it will pass. But hopefully not too late. I’ve given my editor a concrete deadline – “My edits will be in Friday or Monday,” I said, though why I put Friday in there, I don’t know. It will always be Monday, always the very last moment to allow for proper procrastination.
I have a bit over four months to finish novel three. Twenty-five pages per week. Doable? You would think.
I finished reading Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinkingand now I want to go back to writing in the first person. There’s something loose and flowy about it, something that gives a bit of rambled latitude. But my WIP has two POV characters, and I won’t do that, flopping back and forth between first-person chapters; personal preference, of course. I’ve seen it done well in other novels by other writers. So, first person has to wait until book four. Will there be a book four? Lord, just get me through this third one.
I have a love-hate relationship with writing. Will I get past this? I don’t know. I doubt it. I know authors who say they’d die without writing, that it’s their passion, that they wake up with words on their fingertips and can’t wait to get settled in and press the words into life. Oh, they admit to having off days and slow days, and days when writing is a chore and a discipline. For me, writing is a war. The words fight me, like the fish in The Old Man and the Sea. I come away exhausted, bloodied hands and sea-burned eyes, and I wonder, am I enjoying this? Does it matter if I am or not?
Perhaps I like making things difficult.
This is where I am, four days before I turn in the changes to Watch Over Me. I had three people tell me they liked it better than Home Another Way. I had my sister tell me it didn’t make her cry, and why didn’t it make her cry? And I have a list of five edits I need to make; they will sit here making me sweaty until I cross off each point and press send on my email. If I’m honest with myself, that will be early Monday morning, 3 a.m., 4 maybe. If I’m not, well, I’ll just pretend I’ll be working on them tonight.
Second Tuesdays – Make Way Partners
Human trafficking is the second largest industry in the world, and the fastest growing. There are many ministries and organizations working to fight this horrendous offense against human beings and God. One of these ministries is Make Way Partners.
Make Way Partners is passionate about sharing the hope of the Gospel with “the least of these,” and choses places of ministry where women and children are at highest risk of human trafficking, forced prostitution and other forms of modern-day slavery, and where little to no other help is available because it is considered either “too” dangerous, “too” expensive or “too” remote for most people to go. It’s focus is on Eastern Europe and Africa.
From its website:
Make Way Partners is a Christian mission agency committed to prevent and combat human trafficking and all forms of modern–day slavery by educating and mobilizing the Body of Christ. We build partnerships within the Body of Christ to call forth those willing to answer the Biblical call to seek justice on behalf of the oppressed through prayerful intercession, financial support, and ministry and mission service. To those who are oppressed and at high risk of trafficking, we offer indigenous ministries of counseling, discipleship, education, employment, food, medical, shelter, and transportation which offer hope and practical assistance in the fight for freedom
There are many ways to support Make Way Partners, from going on a short-term missions trip, to fundraising, to setting up a local MWP chapter. Some easy ways to give utilize Good Search (donates money for every Internet search you make) and iGive (a portion of your online purchase is donated to MWP – or the participating ministry of your choice).
While not affiliated with Make Way Partners, Stop the Traffik (a global movement working to combat the fastest growing global crime) offers an excellent 21-day prayer diary, highlighting the stories of men, women, and children who have experienced human trafficking firsthand, and giving specific prayer requests for each of the countries represented. Download it here for free.
Other ministries involved in the fight against human trafficking:
The Salvation Army: Due to the inherently abusive and exploitive nature of human trafficking, the Salvation Army considers all forms of trafficking in persons abhorrent. Combined with its mission to preach the gospel of Jesus and to meet human needs in His name without discrimination, these beliefs motivate it to work diligently for the prevention of human trafficking and for the restoration of trafficking survivors. For a free packet of information about sex trafficking, email your request along with your name and mailing address to: anti_sextrafficking@usn.salvationarmy.org.
Nightlight: A ministry in urban Bangkok, which reaches out to women and children working in the bar areas of Nana/Sukhumvit. Located in a neighborhood with a growing sex trade, Nightlight’s vision is to share the Light of the world in both word and deed to those who live in darkness. Donate directly or purchase jewelry made by the women who have left prostitution and are trying to support themselves and their families in other ways.
